Are you happy mom?

So I am back from my short hiatus. No, I did not go anywhere or even do anything exciting. Maybe that is why I have been so unexcited about posting anything new. Currently my life seems to be full of laundry, cleaning, cooking, trying to be a good mom, and desperately waiting for May 9 when Paul will take his (hopefully) final exam and I will have a husband around again. Peyton has mastered the art of pushing buttons, boundaries, Ellie, and anything else he can to get some sort of reaction . I remember with remorse all of the things I said I would NEVER do before having a 3 year old. I will never resort to bribery. I will never raise my voice above the sweetest tones of understanding and love. We will calmly talk about our feelings. (Peyton is screaming at the top of his lungs and maniacally kicking his feet and flinging his arms..."what are you feeling Peyton...are you feeling mad?") I will never lose my temper. I will never let my children watch more than an hour of television a day and only then, in half hour increments. My children's clothes will always match perfectly and their hair will be combed all day, even if we are not going anywhere that day. I will never allow my children to jump on the furniture or have snacks except at designated 'snack times.' (and those snacks will only be healthy and whole grain). And of course, I will NEVER be the 25 year old adult that is controlled by a 3 year old child. Well, here I am...Peyton is sporting the trendy bed-head style (I think I ran my fingers through it this morning). He is wearing a orange and tan button up shirt, non-matching blue soccer shorts (they were Paul's when he was little), and purple snow boots with no socks. I'll have to post a picture. And about talking about feelings - I never want to talk about feelings again!! We used to have heart-to-heart talks where I would have him tell me how he felt when he had "made a bad decision" and I would tell him how I felt sad when he made bad choices. Not a good idea. He now beats me to the punch and when he has done something that he knows is naughty, he begins chirrupping over and over and over right in my face, "Are you happy...are you happy mom...are you happy...are you happy mom?" I used to answer honestly and try to explain how I felt, but the chirrupping continues until the answer is yes and he gets more and more upset until the answer is yes. I now answer "yes, I'm happy" (even though I am fuming inside) the very first time I hear, "are you happy...are you happy mom?"

Anyway, I hope this doesn't sound like complaining! I really do love being a mom (most of the time) and feel so blessed to have my two little children. I just keep telling myself that I am learning and growing. Learning that I really don't have a clue how to to be a mom and it's actually okay and growing because I eat so many treats every night to cope with Paul studying and to prepare myself for another day of the unexpected. -"Mom, I don't have to say thank you for these cookies because I helped make them...Mom, we can play on the grass because the grass already ate up all the fertilizer...Dad, Ellie's legs look like little bums...Mom, if monkeys come in the backyard, don't let them in the house, because they are scary!"